After waking up in a great mood and smiling for the past few days it happened. It’s my own fault. She came buy to pick up the kids last night. She looked at me and held her hand out. I grabbed it and squeezed. It felt good. I hugged her through the car window. I shouldn’t have taken her hand. I shouldn’t have hugged her. I woke up missing her. However it’s a little less then it used to be. Climbing out of the dark is getting easier each time. I’m not delusional; I know that this is going to take some time. I know I’m going to have good and bad times. Truthfully speaking, I am learning that life can be alright without her.
Terrance, Don and I wore black. We always wore black. We wore black eyeliner. Our hair was dyed black. We wore black trench coats. We would walk the streets at night searching. I don’t know what it was we were looking for and we never found it. We would climb the rooftops of churches and stores. We would sit in the wind, silently watching the world in darkness. We would walk through the desert night watching the stars and listening to the coyotes howl in the distance. We owned the night.
Other then trespassing, we rarely broke the law. We weren’t walking the streets drunk or stoned. We weren’t looking for trouble. We were just bored. Walking made us feel better. All three of us had a rough time growing up. We each had our problems, but together we were unstoppable. We were brothers and would die for each other.
Officer Scott was convinced we were up to no good. Day or night he would find us. He would fill out Field Identification Cards on us. He searched us every time he saw us, make us lay spread eagle on the ground while he patted us down. We would have to take breathalyzer test every time he saw us. He never found anything. He was convinced that the vampire cult club as he called us would slip up one day and he would be there. Every morning he would stop me on the way to school. He seemed to get some sort of pleasure as he tore apart the contents of my brief case. I was late everyday because of him.
We learned his address, we knew he had a fear of snakes, we knew he drove his squad car home at the end of his shift. We found a dead snake in the desert. Don coiled it up and out it next to the car door. We split. I don’t know his reaction; there was no way we were going to be caught around his house.
He never gave up. Where ever we would he would be there. I was tired of this harassment. I went to my school counselor and explained what was going on. She gave me copies of my report cards and progress reports. I had a 4.0 grade average at the time. I never missed school. I was the president of the art club. I was popular with the teachers and staff. She put all of this in a file for me. She called the Chief of the police department and told him one of her best students would be coming by.
I went and met with him. I explained what was going on and gave him copies of all the papers I had with me. I told him to feel free to look up my police record. He looked and found nothing but those Field cards Officer Scott had filled out. He told me that he was sorry that all of this had happened and the he would talk to Officer Scott about it. He also told me that maybe if I didn’t dress so weird maybe the police wouldn’t stop me. His message was conform and we will like you. Scott did leave us alone after that meeting.
Don and Terrance both had jobs. I stayed in school. Terrance had his own apartment and Don stayed with his parents or his girlfriend’s house. I would crash on the floor at Terrance’s for a few weeks and move to Don’s for awhile. Whenever I got the feeling I was wearing out my welcome I’d go back to the others place. I didn’t work, just went to school. Neither one of them ever complained. They always made sure I had a place to sleep and food to eat. I don’t know why my education was so important to them back then, but I am glad they both pushed me.
I ended up graduating halfway through the year. I tried to look for work, but in a small town jobs are hard to come buy. I got tired of never knowing where I was going to sleep. I got tired of feeling like a mooch. I didn’t have the money to go to collage. I decided to join the Air Force. It didn’t seem so bad. I would get money for school and a paycheck.
While in the Air Force we drifted apart. Terrance tried to find himself; Don went off to his own adventures. They stayed close but I just drifted away. Both of them battled with drug addiction. The next time I saw them I barely recognized them. Everything I had left for them to take care of was gone. All my cd’s, my tapes and records, clothes. It had all been pawned or traded for speed. I decided I would just leave them to their own demons. I left them alone. I stayed out of it. They would get better on their own or die. It was there own decision.
They both won the battle, they both relapsed but I’m happy to say they are both clean and sober. We may not be as close as we once were, but I’m sure I’d still fight for both of them. We still consider ourselves brothers. We still own the desert night.
They are both amazingly talented. Don is an awesome artist. Terrance could be a great writer if he tried. He’s coming around, He’s very self conscious about his work, but I know he could do it. I talk to Terrance on a daily basis. I talk to Don every week or so. They are two of the strongest people I know. I am a better person for having them in my life.