This is a note I wrote to myself.
I’ve been dealing with being Bipolar for years. I have been ashamed about it. The stigma of having a mental illness was too much. I have a history of mental illness and suicide in my family. My father, aunt and uncle have committed suicide. All three were Bipolar. My mother is Bipolar; so far my sister was spared. I’ve been through some sad times and suicidal thoughts lately. With my family history I decided I need to get some help. I called my insurance company and told them what was going on and asked what I could do. They were extremely helpful and connected me to a nurse who asked a few questions about my family history and listened as I told her everything. She gave the phone numbers and websites of some suicide help centers she asked if she needed to call the police or an ambulance for me and if I was going to kill myself that night. I assured her that I would not be doing that. After she was certain I wouldn’t hurt myself, she connected me back to the insurance company. They gave me a list of mental health clinics and therapist in my area. I called a few and was able to see a therapist the weekend. After talking for an hour, she said I am a classic bipolar case. The therapist suggested I see a Dr. about meds. I went to see the doctor. She asked me questions for an hour. She told me I should try taking Lithium. I was apprehensive at first, but went ahead and started taking it. Three months later I feel fine. No more ups and downs, no more sitting in my apartment in the dark. I started a blog that I pour my feelings and thoughts into. After re-reading through it, I notice an upswing in my mood a few days after starting the lithium. And that feels good.
The good days out number the bad now.
Keep it that way.