Sunday, January 3, 2010

Pumped full of drugs

Things have been pretty good the past couple days. I keep waiting for something bad to happen. It seems that when ever I am in a good mood, something comes along and shatters my happiness. Hopefully not this time. I've worked hard to this little happy place and I don't want to leave it.
I've decided to quite being such an attention whore. I'm not going to bug the hell out of people to read this. If they read it, cool. If not, no biggie.
Taking the lithium is weird. I get up in the morning and am compelled to go do something. I wake up in a good mood. i want to go out and talk to people. Is this normal? Is this what I've been craving? Is it changing me too much? Am I going to stop being me? I know I've wanted to be happy and well adjusted for a long time, but it's happening so fast. I kind of feel like Charlie in Flowers For Algernon. Not that I am in his position, But knowing whats going on and recognizing and accepting the changes that are going on within me.
Is this something I should have done years before? How different would my life be if I had taken the Lithium when I was twenty five like they wanted. would I be in the state I am in now? Would I want to be?


  1. Here's my thoughts (you know how I like to share):

    It's a new blog and it needs to be promoted. That's how they work. I'd wager you haven't been bugging the hell out of anyone. The caring about what we think is trickier...

    As far as changing too much... What could that even mean? We are always changing. Try and stop it.

    I think you mean, what if being happy and liking people and becoming more social means you are no longer cool or arty or smart or edgy or whatever other ways you have defined yourself that made you feel like you had worth. Changing the lens on your reality filters is critical. You know you'll never be just one of the sheeple.

    Go ahead and live a little!

  2. i love Sloan.... a true Maude!
    oh and BTW, Flowers for Algernon is one of my favorite books but it makes me pitch forth and cry uncontrollably.