I got to work and emailed Dawn. I asked her if I could see the girls. She said if I am ready to see them that would be fine. We got in a weird conversation about me finding a girlfriend. Talking to your wife (technically we are still married) about that was weird. She told me I need to start dating. I told her I’m considering it.
Last night I had my girls for a few hours. Abby started calling me dad instead of daddy. That kind of made me sad. Dawn picked them up at 8. I used to get a weird feeling in my stomach when I had to see her. Last night it wasn’t there. It was more like; oh the baby momma is coming to get them. After the kids got in the car she said she needed to tell me something. She looked nervous; she looked in my eyes to try to sense what I was thinking. She said she had finally filed the papers and that I will be served on Saturday by her friend. She asked if I am OK. The truth is, I am fine with that. I can close that chapter now. She said I need to eat. I hear that a lot these days. We hugged and I went back inside and watched a movie.
I have to admit, I was sad for a minute. I knew it was coming and I expected it any day now. But it still stung a little. Rejection always hurts no matter how hard you prepare yourself for it. I began to think about what to do next. The answer I came up with is nothing. Nothing I can do about it. Life goes on. It’s been awhile since we broke up and I’m not sad about it anymore. I’m not angry about it. We weren’t happy together, we were two different people. I’m surprised we actually lased as long as we did. I’m off to better things. It’s time to start over with new people and new experiences.
When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is put on the local news. This morning when I turned on the TV the end of a commercial was on. It said the dawn is your enemy. I laughed at that. She will never be my enemy, she won’t be my friend anytime soon, but she will never be my enemy.
It seems to be doing its job. I am a lot more stable now, in a better mood more often. I still don’t like having to take pill’s everyday, but it does seem to help me. It isn’t just the Lithium, I’ve met a few people that care about me and have been very supportive through this whole ordeal. So drugs and friends, that’s all I ever needed.
Turns out I like being happy.