Friday, January 8, 2010

Feelin just fine.


I got to work and emailed Dawn. I asked her if I could see the girls. She said if I am ready to see them that would be fine. We got in a weird conversation about me finding a girlfriend. Talking to your wife (technically we are still married) about that was weird. She told me I need to start dating. I told her I’m considering it.

Last night I had my girls for a few hours. Abby started calling me dad instead of daddy. That kind of made me sad. Dawn picked them up at 8. I used to get a weird feeling in my stomach when I had to see her. Last night it wasn’t there. It was more like; oh the baby momma is coming to get them. After the kids got in the car she said she needed to tell me something. She looked nervous; she looked in my eyes to try to sense what I was thinking. She said she had finally filed the papers and that I will be served on Saturday by her friend. She asked if I am OK. The truth is, I am fine with that. I can close that chapter now. She said I need to eat. I hear that a lot these days. We hugged and I went back inside and watched a movie.

I have to admit, I was sad for a minute. I knew it was coming and I expected it any day now. But it still stung a little. Rejection always hurts no matter how hard you prepare yourself for it. I began to think about what to do next. The answer I came up with is nothing. Nothing I can do about it. Life goes on. It’s been awhile since we broke up and I’m not sad about it anymore. I’m not angry about it. We weren’t happy together, we were two different people. I’m surprised we actually lased as long as we did. I’m off to better things. It’s time to start over with new people and new experiences.

When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is put on the local news. This morning when I turned on the TV the end of a commercial was on. It said the dawn is your enemy. I laughed at that. She will never be my enemy, she won’t be my friend anytime soon, but she will never be my enemy.

Lithium update.

It seems to be doing its job. I am a lot more stable now, in a better mood more often. I still don’t like having to take pill’s everyday, but it does seem to help me. It isn’t just the Lithium, I’ve met a few people that care about me and have been very supportive through this whole ordeal. So drugs and friends, that’s all I ever needed.

Turns out I like being happy.


  1. Grr, Dawn. Trying to get you dating again already?! I mean, it would be fine, but I don't think you should have to do anything to help her feel less guilty about bailing on her marriage. It's only been a few months. You have two kids. You were married over 10 years. I suspect you'll say she just wants you to be happy, but I think it sounds cruel and self serving. (Gee, Sloan, does someone need a hug)?

    Eating is important, but you don't seem inappropriately thin. Are you getting vitamins and minerals and all that jazz? Cuz your weight seems good!

    (Signs from the universe via TV ;-D)

    Glad the drugs are working. Yay, drugs! (?!)

  2. I have to shouldn't be up to Dawn to determine whether or not you're ready to start dating again...that should be your decision alone. Even if it takes you months or years, it's none of her concern, or shouldn't be, anyways. Everyone copes and deals at their own pace, don't be rushed. Yay drugs! Yay friends! and you won't need drugs for the rest of your life James...