9:45 AM Sitting on porch listening to music, having a cup of tea.
9:58 AM Friend picks me up for a day trip to Riverside with his girlfriend.
11:10 Am arrive at another friend’s house. I am informed that I will be meeting someone for a lunch “date”. I don’t like surprises of this nature. Fortunately she is a friend and we will remain friends, nothing more.
11:20 Am Friend and girlfriend are in the front seat, I’m in the back. It’s weird seeing both of them so happy. It’s nice but weird.
I’m in Rialto. Nearly everything bad in my life happened here. I have no happy memories of this place. Every house, tree, street sign brings back bad memories. I smoke more when I’m here; I have the urge to drink, when I’m in Rialto, I need a crutch.
We get to our lunch place. I haven’t seen her since ninth grade. She hugs me. It feels awkward, like neither one of us wanted to do it but felt obligated too. I don’t eat. I have no appetite.
Lunch over, she goes to work. She is my mother’s boss. She likes my mom. She doesn’t know her like I know her. I won’t say anything. Why should I ruin her friendship with my mother just because I hate her?
Friend, girlfriend and I get back in the car. We drive to Castle Park. I’m ashamed I don’t have enough money for the admission. “No problem “they say, “We got you covered.” We get in and automatically I regret coming. I shouldn’t be here. This is their date and I’m a third wheel. All day long, friends girlfriend’s ex text and calls her. I grab the phone and calm him down. He later emails me and says thank you for doing that. I feel pretty good for awhile.
When the day is done, we drive home. I start looking through someone’s artwork. It’s amazing. I let her know. She says thanks and in a weird way inspires me to write again. I’m mesmerized for a few minutes. Its weird how two or three lines could inspire you to try again.