Monday, June 14, 2010


I started going through boxes of my father’s paperwork. I want to find out what happened. I want to know why he killed himself. I don’t think I ever will. Suicide is hard thing to understand. I’ve tried it myself a few times, never actually knowing why I wanted to do it so badly.

I came across his note. Now you may think I’m a bastard for doing this, but I am going to reprint his letter here. I think his last words should be heard. He wasn’t a bad guy, just sick. Forgive the spelling errors. I’m assuming Martha was his girlfriend. Shawnee is my sister, he spelled her name wrong, but that doesn’t matter.


I am sorry to have found myself in this position, but, then I chose to be where my most fond memories are and have been.

Your desk in at my house, and the keys are on the key chain left here on the kitchen counter, also your $100 .00 that I owe you,

Thank you for your caring and support during our time together and I do that the right person comes for you to fulfill your happiness

As for me, it was a wonderful fulfilling time, things just got in the way, of my happiness, and none of it was your fault

I know mom is taken care of, and my grandbabies are in good hands, even if Shawnee is having some upset but she is strong and will do well

As I know the Ans, shall when she is happy and hopefully you also

Today is just another walk in the park in life, and life continues for many, but my time has ended, maybe I will come back a blue jay

My Love


And that’s it.


  1. I like the blue jay. My grandfather came to me once as a humming bird, and visited my aunt as a white owl.

  2. Thanks, James for sharing his note. I miss him, too. He was a good person and misunderstood by a lot of people.