Thursday, March 4, 2010

There is a radio in my head.

Sitting in the hole last night, I heard someone yelling “Faggot ass faggot. Come down here so I can fuck you in the ass like you fucked my woman!” I looked outside and there is some guy yelling this into the sky. He kept repeating this over and over for five minutes. He stopped, turned and walked out of the ally. I love living in the city.

After that I sat wishing I had someone to talk too and hoping this pack of cigarettes last me through the week. I’m not really that sad anymore, just lonely. I have a lot of online friends, but they are just that, online friends. I want to go out again, go on dates with girls, and go see a show with someone. All of my friends live far away and all the girls I know are married or have boyfriends. Sitting there thinking of this, I started to get sad. I’m surrounded by people, but still feel alone. I could make a little more effort to meet people, but something is holding me back.

The truth is I like someone. This will never turn into anything more. She’s married and I won’t try to come between them. I don’t want to wait in the shadows forever, but I can’t help but think if I’m patient maybe someday we could be together. I’m also realistic about it and tell myself it will never happen.

And now, some random facts.

I had a shirt that said “Frankie say Relax. Don’t do it.

I’ve been going to the Long beach grand Prix since 1983. This is the first year I will go alone.

Sometimes when I listen to music, I pretend I’m in the band.

I went on a blind date a few weeks ago, it was horrible.

I am scared of horses.

I hate my job but I keep it because for once in my life I need to stick with something.

There are times were I still miss my ex-wife.

I’ve never had a lap dance.

I get weird mini crushes of random girls I meet.

I kissed a guy once.

I fell down a waterfall.

In the Air Force, I walked in on my roommate masterbaiting. Neither one of ever brought it up again.

I shaved off my beard last night and instantly regretted doing so.

By the time I was 16 I had lived in 11 different cities.


  1. you will be happy again :)

    ...and grow your beard back!

  2. Well written, I enjoyed it very much, thanks, man.

  3. you won't be going to the races alone this year...unless you choose to
    grow back your beard, it's sexy
    I kissed a girl once, and I liked it
    you're not alone, no matter how much you think you are, in my opinion...