If I could stop thinking, I would.
If I could stop feeling, I would.
If I could stop caring, I would.
How can feeling so good make me feel so bad? I over think everything. I automatically assume that when I call someone, they are seeing my name and ignoring me. I have to remind myself that they are probably busy. Not everyone wants to talk on the phone all day.
I need constant reassurance. That’s new. I hate it. I don’t want to be that way. I try not to be, but it doesn’t work. I think after my divorce, I got a little scared. I’m constantly looking for the signs. And that just sucks.
When I’m with her or talking to her, I’m happy, when I’m not, I get sad. I have no food to speak of in my house, but I won’t go buy any. The laundry is piling up, and I’m running out of clothes, but I won’t wash them. No, I’d rather starve and wear dirty clothes.
I need to stop reading into things and just enjoy the time we have together. I need to stop freaking out when we don’t talk.
Easier said than done.
I don’t want to stop feeling.
I don’t want to stop caring.
The thinking I can do without.