Tuesday, September 29, 2009

It was about this time twelve years ago that I meet her. It was quick. I had just started a new job. The manager introduced the new employees to everyone. We shook hands. That was it. I was smitten instantly. She had this electricity about her and I was connected. I didn’t see her for awhile after that. We meet again at work a couple weeks later. We had a meeting to discuss the upcoming holidays. I noticed her looking at my way but always turning her head before our eyes could meet. We started working together more often. We would flirt sometimes. I was excited when ever I saw our names on the schedule. I would drive by on payday to see if I could catch a glimpse of her. I saw her. She was wearing tan pants, a white tank-top and a Hawaiian shirt un- buttoned over it.
When we worked together I would always make excuses to go talk to her. I was too nervous to ask her out. A guy I worked with told me she was seeing somebody. My heart sank a bit. A few days before my birthday we had a break together. I mentioned that it was my birthday and would be alone. She asked if she could go with me. I shit myself. This beautiful woman wanted to go out with me. I wrote my phone number down for her. The next day I kept waiting for her call. I thought I had been stood up. She called late that night. I wrote the number down wrong. She made me so nervous. She gave me directions to her house. I picked her up. I drove the long way so we could spend more time together.
She said “I’m on my period so don’t expect anything.”
I wasn’t expecting anything.
We got to the concert. We decided to mark the occasion and get a bottle of Champaign. We toasted every drink. Our hands touched. We both felt it. It was too much. We kissed. That was it. It was over. We have been together ever since.
We tried to keep it secret at work. That didn’t last very long. She gave me a ride to work. We stopped and bought water guns on the way in. We blazed into work guns brandished, an outlaw and his moll.
The secret was out.
Some people stopped talking to me. Others were happy for us.
I went to her grandparents for Christmas that year. I meet her family. They went out of their way to make me feel welcome. They gave me a gift.
She told her mom I have cold knees. We went back to my place and spent the night. I sang to her. When she wasn’t at my place I would hold her pillow and smell her. She made me whole.
I was in love.
The sun rose on her. She was everything to me. It had only been a matter of a few short weeks but, I loved her. She was the last face I saw at night the first I saw in the morning. She made me feel like I mattered. Sometimes at night I would just watch her sleep, feeling so damn lucky that I had a woman this beautiful so kind and caring. She worked as a waitress also. When she would come over after a long night she would fall asleep in my arms. I was so lucky. She made me see the goodness in people. She always had a kind word when I was down, A little smile, a kiss on the check to make me feel better. I had the world.
After only being together a little over a month I asked her to marry me. She said yes. I had never been happier. We drove to Las Vegas that night and were married at 6:40 AM at The Little White Chapel.
We didn’t have a honeymoon. We drove home and went to work. That night we made love for the first time as man and wife.
We moved in to a place owned by my step mother. We were there only about three weeks when she sold the place. We moved into her parent’s house. I never had a family before. It was weird having a brother, mom and dad. I loved it. I never saw a family that loved each other before. I was accepted as one of the family.
We lived there for a few months and got our first apartment. It was a small place, but it was our home. One day she came home and I had turned the apartment into a restaurant for her. I had made menus and cooked dinner for us.
She would fall asleep on the couch while watching movies. Too this day nothing makes me happier then to listen to her sweet breath. We didn’t have a lot of money but, it didn’t matter. We had each other. That’s all we needed, each other. We were happy.
On days off we would stay in bed all day cuddling. Sometimes we would go out to Ridgecrest to visit my family. They loved her.
We would just wake up, get in the car and drive, never knowing where we’d end up. It was always an adventure. Always something fun, going to an Emu farm, pick wild flowers in the desert. Anything. No matter what we did, as long as she was with me I had a blast.
12 years later….
"I want you to leave. My hearts not in it any more."
I’m empty.
I can’t eat, sleep, anything.
Every time I see her my heart breaks a little more.
I miss her.
I miss her touch.
I miss her voice.
I miss my life.


  1. Wow, that was both beautiful and heart-wrenching. I can only imagine what you must be feeling.

    All I can do right now is envision you being calm, comfortable, and at peace. Going through it, yes, but perhaps feeling a little better than you did yesterday. You don't feel it now, but know that you are a resilient human with many beautiful things still yet to happen in your life.

    I send you plenty of love, C

  2. Thanks for sharing. Life is filled with twist and turns and just around the corner you will find a new direction...maybe even a new love.